Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Review – The ABCs of Death

The good thing about horror anthologies is that bad segments tend to end quickly, giving their companions a chance to re-win the audience. But when the majority of the stories are genuinely awful, they overpower the good stuff. This set sports 26 entries, one for each letter of the alphabet. The first two got the evening off on the right foot, but after that it dived straight downhill. By the end I’d experienced way too many suffering animals, graphic toilet explorations and the like to be able to appreciate the diamonds buried in the shit. Verdict: wish I’d skipped it.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Review – Devil Times Five

Awfulness times infinity. Five severely psychotic kids escape from an asylum and go crazy at a mountain resort. The primary pleasure here is in watching for the hosts of continuity slips and other technical errors (the IMDb listing supplies a set of things to look for). Or perhaps savoring some of the worst dialogue ever written. I’m amazed that this was made in the days before camcorders. Film production actually requires money, and it’s weird to see that much cash dropped on something this dreadful. Wish I’d skipped it

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Review – Dark Skies

Once again I find myself wondering if aliens capable of interstellar travel and other technological marvels really have nothing better to do with themselves than come to Earth and engage in relatively trivial crime. To be sure, kidnapping children is worse than vandalizing crops. Still, it comes across as an unpleasant blend of paranoia and stupidity. They spent some money on the effort, making mid-grade production values and some familiar faces in the cast the picture’s only saving graces. See if desperate

Review – Cool Air (2006)

Yeesh. I respect the folks who made this for realizing that they didn’t have the resources to make a movie with any kind of production values. Going with a script-intensive approach might have worked if the screenwriter hadn’t been so intensely talentless. I’m surprised that the source story should prove so hard to adapt, but this is the third or fourth attempt I’ve seen and none of them have been good. Though this is by far the worst. Wish I’d skipped it

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Review – Star Trek Into Darkness

I didn’t hate this Abrams Trek anywhere near as bad as I hated the first one. I still prefer the cerebral drama of the original TV series (fear a movie that makes William Shatner’s high jinks look cerebral) over the noisy action sequences so popular with 21st century audiences, but I did at least appreciate the absence of Lost-esque time travel plot monkeying. I couldn’t quite decide if the presence of characters and plot developments from Wrath of Khan were a loving, playful tribute or just a desperate attempt at “anything you can do I can do better.” But overall I enjoyed this outing, at least when it wasn’t busy screaming in my ear. Mildly amusing