Friday, January 29, 2016

Review - Late Phases

I’ve asked this before, but apparently the question needs asking at least one more time: is it really that goddamn hard to make a werewolf movie? Over the years I’ve seen a couple of bullseyes and several that missed the mark to varying degrees. But this hunk of junk isn’t even in the same state with the target. An elderly, blind asshole moves into a retirement community only to find the place overrun with horny GGILFs (including one played by the reanimated corpse of Tina Louise) and werewolves. Script, rubber lycanthrope effects and even the acting (including the efforts of veterans Lance Guest and Tom Noonan) are equally dreadful. Wish I’d skipped it.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Review - The Final Girls

Along the same lines as Cabin in the Woods, the picture combines horror and comedy by taking such a reflexive look as the former that it produces the latter. And once again I find myself surprised that I don’t hate it.  Though it’s a bit too ham handed for my tastes, it’s still a cute criticism of the slasher genre’s misogynist take on young women’s sexuality. Mildly amusing.

Review - Insidious Chapter 3

If you’re sufficiently conversant in the whole Insidious thing, then the in jokes about the recurring characters’ early contacts with the supernatural may amuse you. My take on it is that the first one didn’t even need a sequel, let alone a prequel. See if desperate.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Review - Before I Go to Sleep

50 First Dates only not funny. See if desperate.

Review - Visions

A pregnant woman and her husband bet the farm on a farm, or a vineyard to be more precise. Shortly after moving in, she begins to experience horrible visions – so the title’s apt enough – of the property’s ghastly past. Not exactly out of keeping with other pictures of this ilk, the script puts all its eggs in the “surprise twist” basket and then fails to supply any. See if desperate.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Review - The Forest

Natalie Dormer plays twins caught up in the sinister malaise of the Aokigahara “suicide” forest in Japan. The picture gets off to a reasonably good Americans-borrowing-Japanese-ghost-stories start, but somewhere along the line it loses all focus. The back half of the story (assuming there even is a story at that point) wanders as aimlessly as someone lost in a forest full of malicious spirits. Mildly amusing.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Review - Sinister 2

Despite a title and a smattering of plot elements cribbed from the first Sinister movie, this picture is far more closely akin to the Children of the Corn set. And not one of the better entries, either. I might have had an easier time swallowing this Big Mac if I hadn’t been expecting McNuggets. See if desperate.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Site conversion is underway

As of 8:09 CST this morning, the old 8sails is gone. As I mentioned last month on the 8sails Facebook feed, I'm giving priority to the College section so my students will have everything they need for class. Once that's done, I'll begin the long – and I do mean long – process of redoing the rest of the site.

I appreciate everyone's patience while I continue working on the conversion. Naturally I still have all the old content saved, so if you're in dire need of any of it let me know and I'll dig it up for you.


Friday, January 15, 2016

Review - Dead Silence

Time to add “ventriloquist” to the “nope” list. In this go-around the ventriloquist is a ghost with a legion of dummies. But these twists don’t add enough to stretch 20 minutes worth of plot out into a feature-length production. See if desperate.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Review - Pay the Ghost

Those of us old enough to remember the Jim Bakker sex scandal likely recall the joke that the initials of Bakker’s Praise The Lord network actually stood for Pay The Lady. So guess what the title of this picture reminds me of. The movie itself is a run-of-the-mill ghost story, an Americanized plot along the La Llorona line. And speaking of getting paid, I assume Nicolas Cage signed on to this mediocre offering because he needed the money. Mildly amusing.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Review - Harbinger Down

The concept is simple enough: The Thing relocated to a ship in the Arctic. Unfortunately this production is thoroughly slaughtered by a dreadful script and equally awful acting. See if desperate.

Review - Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens

And so it begins again. This struck me as the best entry in the set since 1980, at least in part because it’s an eerily familiar reheat of the story and characters from the 1977 original. However, the series seems to be in good hands with J.J. Abrams rather than George Lucas at the helm. The effects are impressive, and the cast and script are also good. After what Abrams did to the Star Trek franchise, this was a welcome relief. Worth seeing.